Success is a State of Mind

Success – Why Do Some People Succeed When Others Don’t?

At the beginning of every restraint instructor, self-defence and conflict management trainer course I spend the first part of the day talking about quantum mechanics and how the way we choose to think affects our health and physical state. I show you the science behind the theory too to back up what I talk about.

When I start a course by doing this I am always greeted by a range of looks from the audience. Some are completely amazed, others confused and some wondering whether they are on the right training course, but there is method in my madness.

I don’t just want to train you to be able to go through a series of techniques or practices. Anyone can do that. 

What I want is for you to succeed. I want you to get a return on your investment, not just in monetary gains. I also want to change your life and put you on a path to freedom free from fear.

Let me explain

Why is it that two people with equal ability can be given the same information yet one becomes massively successful while the other one doesn’t?

In fact, why is it that out of one-hundred people, all with equal ability, only two of them will succeed where ninety-eight percent will fail?

Photo by Nathan Cowley from Pexels

Do these successful people know something that the ones that fail don’t?

Do these successful people have some kind of special powers that the others don’t have?

Are these successful people ‘gifted’ in some way with an unusual ability not found in normal people?

The answer to all of the no. They don’t know something that the others don’t know. They don’t have any ‘special powers’ and they are certainly not ‘gifted’ with some unusual ability.

The Secret & The Law of Attraction

Now you may have seen a film called ‘The Secret’ or read the book or at least be aware of it. It talks about the power of the ‘Law of Attraction’.

The Law of Attraction works on the premise that if you focus intently on what you want you will get it. So, according to what most people believe (based on what the Law of Attraction promotes)  if you visualise a new car it will in some magical way materialise in your drive. If you imagine having a million pounds in your bank it will materialise for you. In short whatever you focus on, good or bad, the very act of focussing on it attracts it into your reality. 

The reality however is that it is not true because there’s a bit missing.

The ‘Law of Attraction’ has been misinterpreted. Let’s look at the word ‘Attraction’. 

Photo by Matheus Bertelli from Pexels

The Latin word for attraction is ‘attrahō’ which when literally translated means to ‘pull’ or ‘drag to or towards with force’.

The words ‘pull’ or ‘drag’ means that an action must take place. In fact the last six letters in the word ‘attraction’ is ‘action’. That means if you want to ‘attract’ something into your life you need to take action and that means more than simply wishing it would appear. 

The first four letters of the word ‘attraction’ attr can be referred to as ‘attribute/attributes’ and the verb ‘attribute’ means that something is ‘caused’ by something else. For example “Her success can be attributed to three main factors”

Therefore, if we look at the word ‘attraction’ one literal translation is that whatever you bring into your life, good or bad, is caused by the action/s you take.

So if you want to ‘attract’ the thing you want in your life you need to take the right kind of actions. You have to pull or drag it towards you and not just sit back, visualise it and hope it will materialise. 

This also means that you need to learn from your mistakes so when things don’t work out for you the first time you try again and again, making slight tweaks along the way until you start getting the results you want. 

So why, when two different people are presented with the same information will one or two succeed where ninety eight percent will not. 

The answer lies in the following words: self-esteem.

Self Esteem and Success

Self-esteem is how a person views or feels in relation to their overall sense of self-worth or personal value. 

So if you feel that you are worthless, that good things never happen to you, or you were born in poverty or you’ve been told all of your life that you will never amount to anything by your parents or teachers and you replay that story repeatedly inside your head, day after day, guess what? You create low self-esteem. 

And people who have low self-esteem focus on loss and fear. Fear of not being good enough, fear of change, fear of failure and sometimes even fear of success and it is this that stops them taking the right kind of action to change their lives. 

Lets face it, you and I know lots of people who have been on training courses who still fail to take action and in some cases it’s the training course itself that exaggerates the problem.

The Role of a Trainer Is Not Just To Train 

The role of a trainer is not just to train people. Anyone can do that. If it was just about technique or a process then the system becomes mechanical and individuality is lost.

Raising Self Esteem is The Primary Goal Go Success

The primary role of a trainer is to empower, motivate and inspire. It’s to help the learner improve their self esteem and self worth to enable them to develop the self-confidence to be able to do what they are being taught.  

However, if we fail to improve their self-esteem first any gain is short lived. 

Building Relationships

Once a person’s self esteem has been improved then they can get on with the business of building relationships. 

Relationships are important in all areas of life. It is important in training as it is in personal and business relationships. Once you have the ability to build relationships you are on the road to success in whatever area of life you choose to be successful in.

Goal Setting For Success

Most people fail because they fail to plan. Goal setting is one of the most important things in life. 

Without a goal how will you know what direction to take? How will you measure what you do to know if it is taking you closer or further away from where you want to get to? 

Now goal setting doesn’t have to be difficult. If you have a big goal that’s great, but it could be overwhelming. But if you break that goal down into smaller ‘bite-sized’ chunks you end up with smaller goals that are more achievable. 

The key to good goal setting is to identify specifically what your desired outcome is and write it down. Then identify the obstacles that you need to overcome in order to achieve your goal. Then list all of the benefits that you will gain once your goals are achieved and then (and this is the most important part) set a date by which your goal will be achieved. If you don’t do this then your goal is nothing more than wishful thinking!

There was a story told of a man who said “Give me a stock clerk with a goal, and I’ll give you a man who will make history, but give me a man without a goal and I’ll give you a stock clerk”. 

The same can be true for any profession. A trainer with a goal will leave a legacy in those he or she trains, but a person with no goal will just be a trainer.

An individual who goes into business with a goal will find success, but a person who goes into business with no goal ends up with a job (even if they own their own business). 

Having A Successful Attitude

The next step is having or developing the right attitude. Your attitude, not your aptitude determines your altitude. With the right attitude you can soar above your competitors and rise to new heights in your achievements. 

Attitude is the difference between every successful person and everyone else.

This Is Why I Do What I Do

This is why, at the beginning of every restraint instructor, self-defence and conflict management trainer course I spend the first part of the day talking about quantum mechanics and how the way we choose to think affects our health and physical state. 

I do it to help you realise that you are more than you possibly believe you are. 

I do it to make you realise that you can achieve great things and that you can have everything in life you want if you just choose to apply the right thinking in the right way.

Our next five-day BTEC Level 3 Restraint Trainer Award Course is running between the 2nd – 6th November. It would be great to see you there and have you join us.

To find out more go to –

PS: You may also find this blog post interesting too – ‘Self Esteem and Success